37, Manchester, Великобритания
It is very often i hear people say "attachment issues due to difficult childhood!" and makes me wonder are we really defined by our parents. Is it their fault that we are unable to form relationships or actually have a form dis-inhibited attachment where we are letting anyone to take an advantage of us? are we the product of our parents lack of love?
Love indeed is a strong and powerful thing however is it fair that evolution did not allow us to be free from it? how boring would life be if we would have no love and feelings involved. We would be just boring and functional robots who would perform tasks efficiently and just existed for the sake of it.
Harlow's research (Harlow,1962) showed evidence that as infants we are attached to something soft and comforting rather than to the person who is feeding us and taking care of our physical needs.We do indeed need an emotional support. Therefore we choose relationships where we are satisfied as much as physically as emotionally.
In this case what about relationships where we are not satisfied on both occasions. The violent ones, where the satisfaction is none? is it down to our parents? If childhood was awful is it right to seek such relationship just because it forms something already known aka abuse?
After all i would imagine both parties are to blame. Parents have their own difficulties in life and it probably does project on us in forms of us developing insecurities. However lack of love surely does not define us and how we are with others. We ourselves consciously choose to do so. Most of the difficulties can be overcome.....even the screwed up parents!
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i think perhaps it is in ur nature to crave for proximity. Historically through evolution it is our innate survival instinct however when the crave is causing issues and results in pain -how can it be good?
I saw attachment style issues revealed in a quite dramatic fashion, but is it always bad to crave for proximity ?